o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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