he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
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I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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