My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
