i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
