I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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