we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
