I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
