I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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