I haven't been this sober since birth.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
