my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How does one acquire holy water?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
