We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
