I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize