I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
