the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
