I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
this will be a night to untag.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
