Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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