I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
