i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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