if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
