i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
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I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
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When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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