just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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