My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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