Already got asked if we're dating
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
3 2 1 whiskey
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
