so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
