Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
