Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
When are your genitals available?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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