My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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