do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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