dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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