I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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