he puts the penis in happiness.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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