evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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