We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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