dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
