I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
