just come out here and I will go home with you...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
