so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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