i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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