first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
