It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
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I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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