It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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