I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
