Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
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I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
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His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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