hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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