Barsexuality is the new black.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
