rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
