We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
