i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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