I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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