We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
