I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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