She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We left an ass print on the piano.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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