you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
