Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
even my farts smell like vagina
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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