After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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