Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i think my mom watched the whole time
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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