Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
