Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
