Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
