i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
