I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So many bounce houses so little time
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
