Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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