Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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