it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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