and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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